Who Would Have Thought

I had an amazing day today. Specifically a couple of hours this afternoon at Scott Wilson's, C3's documentarian. But even more amazing and fulfilling was the fact that I was able to come home and share my excitement with friends I love. That's the best part of this story for me.

Scott had asked me to come over for a "talking head" video session related to the Convergence Conspiracy Collective. He had no specific idea what I might talk about, and neither did I. I approached it the way I approach our Psychoto-electro Arkestra performances: as pure improv, trusting the moment to manifest what was right for that moment.

And of course it did. I spoke for maybe ten minutes or so entirely in the voice of Lazlo Kovaks, the subject of the unfolding tale, Where in the World is Lazlo Kovaks. "I" just went away. Turned over the stage to Lazlo. Let him enter my body and mind and speak with my voice. It went so perfectly, as how could it not? It was Lazlo. He knows what to say. He remembers it all. He spoke without a break, without hesitation, emphasizing certain words and phrases to bring certain ideas to the surface of our attention. He was the timeless master. All I had to do was let him speak, and listen and learn.

Then I changed my shirt, shifted the point a view a bit, and let Michael, the protagonist of the tale, the one telling the story to us all, speak. He was not Lazlo. He was Michael, a mid-thirties vagabond writer chosen by Lazlo to tell the story to the world. Michael is finding his way, a little hesitant about the whole thing, still not ready to understand or buy in to the more amazing aspects, but too much the pragmatist to ignore the facts either, however fantastic. So Michael spent a few minutes, gesturing with his hands, not always able to look into the camera (unlike Lazlo), telling how he met Lazlo, what he learned from him first-hand before Lazlo disappeared.

Okay, I've now acted two distinct parts, allowed myself to become two distinct people. I'm now me, whoever the hell that is, and I now understand a couple things I didn't understand before I went to Scott's. One, that I'm able to suspend myself and immerse myself in my character, that I'm able to act. Believe me, this is a revelation coming from someone who became convinced in his youth that he could not act, could never act, could never get out of his own head long enough to let a character emerge. This is an amazing revelation to me. Second, I glimpsed what I suspect every actor experiences: a fine, momentary transcendence, a liberation of self, of personality, which comes with this kind of surrender to an Author. It doesn't matter, ultimately, Who the Author is. It could be this person I think of as "me". It could be some other. It could be the voice of the universe speaking to us. It has been all of those at one time or another, I think for each of us.

So I came home amazed and high and grinning. Lizzie and Baba were generous and centered enough to hear my story and to respond with celebration.

Beware: celebration happens here.